A Bunch of Funny and Ironic Christmas Gift Ideas
Before you give someone a funny gift, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: would this person be upset if I drew obscene things on their face while they were drunk? If the answer is no, fire away. If the answer is yes, put the blow-up doll back on the shelf. What we’re trying to say is: funny gifts are basically pranks. Likewise, people react to them as they would react to pranks: Either they laugh for days or you lose a testicle. The key to a funny gift idea is making light of someone’s unfortunate circumstances without hurting their feelings…that badly. If you’re thinking about giving someone an ironic gift, make sure that they’re the sort of person who can take a joke and knows that love and humor are more important than material objects.
TV Dinners: A Consolation Prize for a Failed Top Chef
Some people just need to realize that their attempts at culinary greatness are woefully misguided. If everyone hates the vegetarian goulash that your artsy roommate attempts to create, then drop her this not-so-subtle hint. Be very careful about giving TV dinners to your mother, as mothers take pride in their ability to cook, even if they’re terrible. TV Dinners are also the perfect gift idea for anyone who has to cook after they come home from work. Have you ever seen those people? Bumping their heads on the cabinet doors, spilling oil on themselves while they try to cook, cursing at the cat, the pot, the weed, and the cat again? Give those people some peace for Pete’s sake!
Band-Aids: An Ironic Gift Idea for your Brother Who Just Broke His Leg Snowboarding
In the same vein, band-aids are the wise-guy’s go-to gift for that relative who can’t help breaking a different bone every month. This is perhaps the best gift idea ever for extreme sports athletes, because it’s also ironic – they need more than a few band aids to repair their battered limbs. Finally, this gift works great for enemies or sports rivals. I imagine that I would definitely send my sports rivals band aids and Prozac if they broke their legs – if I had any sports rivals (which would requiring playing any sports at all, which does not currently apply). ADDED BONUS: If they complain about the gift being in poor taste, just ask them if a band-aid will make their boo-boo attitude feel better.
Blow-up Dolls: A Funny Gift Idea for a Man on the Rebound
Your aunt Doris the librarian might not find the blow-up doll funny. In fact, she may never speak to you again. By the same token, your buddy Mitch won’t find it funny either, but for different reasons (he’ll find it attractive). However, your buddy Gabe will take it out with him to the bar and buy it drinks like a true gentlemen ought to. This is also a perfect gift idea for a guy who’s hit a dry spell in his romantic life (as long as you remind him that this is just a rebound and that you will forcibly remove it from him after two weeks).
Model Car: A Reminder of What Might Have Been If You Hadn’t Become a Teacher
Again, you’ve gotta consider your audience. If you’re giving a model car to your 16-year-old daughter after you promised her you would buy her a car, this gift is in extremely poor taste. In fact, it will likely be more expensive to your in the long run, given all of the therapy sessions that she’ll have for years afterwards. However, if your husband has been yapping to you about buying a convertible since you married him 17 years ago, it’s a very suitable gift.
A Can of Febreeze or A Christmas Gift Basket of Cleaning Supplies
You could get them a bunch of hoity-toity candles, but getting them a can of Febreeze sends a far more direct message: YOUR HOUSE SMELLS LIKE MOLDY SOCKS! CLEAN IT, FOOL! In fact, you could even write that on a hoity-toity card. Also, if you’re in a particularly generous mood, you could even include a can of Raid and some toilet cleaning solution. Then, you could wrap them all together in a festive gift basket.
A Life Jacket to Make them Stop Drowning in the Their Sorrows
We all know that guy who loses his girlfriend and absolutely falls off the face of the Earth. Hew tops eating, stops hanging out, and stops finding stupid jokes funny. When this happens, you’ve got to jolt him out of his pusillanimous, pathetic behavior. Aside from dragging him out of the house for drinks, you could get him a symbolic gift like a life jacket. If this doesn’t do the trick, get him a box of tampons, a King-Size Hershey’s bar, and a copy of Sleepless in Seattle. He’ll thank you for it later (because he’ll have something to give the blow-up doll you give him).