Creative Christmas Gifts & Gift Ideas

Men are simple animals, with desires not so different from that of an average Labrador.  Yes, we shower regularly and brush our teeth, but we probably wouldn’t do those things if it weren’t for women.  Yes, we can play video games and football, but I’d wager most dogs could do those things if you trained them well enough.  And sure, we can tie our shoes and dogs can’t, but that’s only because we have thumbs and mothers who teach us to do such things.  In the simplest terms, men like good food, glorious escapades, defending our territory, and courting females – exactly the same pleasures as that of any canine on your block.  Women who recognize these simple facts will have a much easier time coming up with creative Christmas gift ideas for their husbands, brothers, sons or grandpas.

Great Christmas Gift Ideas: Things You Can Eat, Drink or Smoke

Whiskey. First of all, it’s always useful to have a bottle of Scotch on hand for when your in-laws visit.  Secondly, very few men will ever be unhappy to receive a bottle on fine whiskey, even they’re not big drinkers (By the way, if he is a big drinker, then this is a terrible gift idea).  Besides being delicious and intoxicating, whiskey bottles are like trophies for me.  If you don’t believe me, just check out any college dorm room within a 50 mile radius of your current location – I guarantee you there’s at least one empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s resting on a top shelf, gathering admiration like the Stanley Cup.  Yes, it’s juvenile, but as men grow older they dream of having their own bar – not necessarily because they love alcohol but because those bottles are like gold medals.

Cigars. I’m not convinced that men actually like cigars, but they certainly make you feel like an important person.

Turducken. About a decade ago, legendary American football announcer John Madden began to popularize the turducken while commentating on football games.  Who knows who told Madden about this incredible invention?  Perhaps he imagined it one day while he was daydreaming on the sidelines.  Maybe he happened upon it in his bus (Madden never traveled by plane due to a lifelong fear of flying).  Whoever unleashed it on the world deserves tremendous credit.  Stuffing inside a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey?  Genius.  It’s on the same level as the Theory of Relativity, if you ask me.  If you get one, you will be showered with truly endless praise for coming up with such a creative Christmas gift idea.  If you can handle that, then boldly go for it!

Wine – Red wine, that is.  While it’s not the best gift idea of all time, it appeals to his need for hoarding valuable objects (much like a canine hoards your child’s dolls in holes in the backyard).  Every man needs his own personal private wine cellar, even if it’s only 3 bottles on a shelf above the washing machine.

Great Christmas Gift Ideas: Glorious Escapades

Car accessories – What do getaway cars, chase cars, race cars, and bumper cars all have in common?  Well besides being cars, they all contribute to the myth of the car as the ultimate escapade machine.  This is why we men love our cars.  Honestly, they’re the coolest toys since Transformers. Naturally, anything that makes them even cooler is totally awesome.  From superfluous sun shields to audacious air horns and cute hula girls, you really can’t go wrong.  EBay usually has a ton of good deals on car accessories, so mosey over and transform your depressingly beat-up ‘87 Corolla into a hilariously beat-up ’87 Corolla (Nothing against the ’87 Corolla, by the way – it’s one of the more reliable cars on the planet AND chicks dig the upholstery).  TIP: You could always accompany this gift with a DVD of Pimp My Ride.  Just make sure he doesn’t hate the show.

Swiss Army or Leatherman Knives – Anything that makes a man feel more equipped makes a great gift idea.  In either one of these two gift ideas, you’ve got a DOZEN pieces of equipment.  While the knife will probably spend most of the time in the drawer next to his bed, it will still make him FEEL like he’s incredibly resourceful.  He’ll FEEL like he’s ready to scout enemy troop movements while he’s actually watching Monday Night Football.  It’s win-win.  TIP: If you can find and afford the entire DVD box set of Macgyver, definitely include it with this gift.  Alternatively, you could take him to see the new Macgruber movie, which will supposedly hit theaters in early 2010. To be continued…