Creative Christmas Gifts & Gift Ideas

Let's face it: Foodies are annoying.  They'll rave to you about Patagonian lettuce and organic muckberries, rant to you about corn production, and reproach you for buying hot dogs.  But while their zeal for fresh kava from Fiji might make you want to stab your stomach with a spoon, try to resist the urge to do so (I'm looking in your direction, Rachael Ray producers).   Instead, shut up, wait 45 minutes, and fill your belly with the best meal you've had in months. This Christmas, if you've got a foodie in your family or among your friends, you can do nothing better than encourage their obsession, for their sake and for yours.  Great gifts for foodies are everywhere, but the best gifts for foodies will actively encourage them to spend more time honing their craft in the kitchen (and therefore, feeding you!).  With that in mind, here are some ideas for foodie presents that will make your mouth water:

1. Mini Deep Fryer: A Foodie's Wet Dream

While some organic fundamentalists (I think I've just coined a new catchword) and health nuts would scoff at the idea of owning their own deep fryer, the true gourmand understand the value of several inches of boiling oil.  Deep frying makes everything taste better.  From deep-fried Mars bars to fried chicken to deep-fried zucchinis, you really can't go wrong.  SIDE NOTE: If you type in "deep fried" in Google and then make a space, the first thing that Google predicts is "deep fried butter."  No joke.  Not messing with you.  See for yourself.  People eat deep fried butter!  I love America!

2. Obscure Cookbooks: A Great Gift Idea for a Chef

Foodies are very similar to hipsters in a lot of ways.  For one thing, they both like talking about cooking (hipsters talk, but rarely act).  For another, they both love being fans of obscure cuisines and chefs.   This is because both of them love sounding like independent thinkers who lead zany and original lifestyles. Aside from appealing to the curious philosophy of a foodie, this gift has the concrete benefit of making your foodie feel obligated to use the cookbook at least once (and hopefully in your presence).  Keep this in mind when you're browsing for titles at your local independent bookstore.  You really don't want to select "Great soups with roots and tubers."   Think more along the lines of "Kobe Beef: It's Better Than Sex."   NOTE: These titles do not exist, but feel free to email me if you want to write the Kobe Beef book.

3. Framed Photos or Paintings of Ingredients and Dishes: Inspirational Gift Ideas for Foodies

Foodies feed on artistry.  While most of us troph eaters just want our food in an easy to eat package (or, as Patton Oswalt calls it, "a failure pile in a sadness bowl"), foodies understand the value of presentation.  They love to arrange their dishes as if they were brilliant pieces of sculpture (To my mind, they're better than sculpture because you can't eat sculpture).  Of course, this presentation means nothing to us, but it might just be the inspiration for a chef to cook something delectable for you. Furthermore, photos of  ingredients make awesome gift ideas because they can give a chef inspiration to cook.  Again, no pictures of roots and tubers.  Looking in your direction, organic fundamentalists.

4. Stainless Steel Tools – Among the Best Gift Ideas for Foodies

Kitchen stores and big box stores from Shanghai to London sell an ungodly variety of stainless steel tools to use in the kitchen.  They've come up with some pretty specialized ones these days.  There are tea bag holders, mango splitters, jar lifters, and banana hangers.  There are milk carton holders, pineapple slicers and even electric salt shakers. While these useless utensils are simply ploys at making you waste money, there are a few unusual kitchen tools that might pay dividends for you later.  Firstly, every foodie should own a garlic press.  It's scientifically proven that garlic presses make people use more garlic.  It's also proven by me that garlic is the best ingredient ever.  Case closed.  Secondly, an ice cream scooper makes a great gift for a foodie because it encourages them to buy more ice cream.  Also, you can always drop a not-so-subtle hint that you want ice cream by asking them how much they are using it.  Finally, the pizza slicer is an amazing tool that makes you feel like you own your own pizza store.  Get one for a foodie and encourage them to make pizza at home (and invite you, of course). One last word and then I'm out.  If you're feeling the urge to buy the entire Top Chef DVD set, by all means resist it!  This will only encourage the proverbial foodie to vegetate on the couch while the kitchen remains empty.  For crying out loud, get them a new cutting board before you get them a TV show.