Ice Cold Gift Ideas for Hipsters
The best way to come up with cool gift ideas for hipsters is to go to an indie rock concert, snicker, gawk, and take some notes. However, if you happen to hate Animal Collective, Devendra Banhart, MGMT or any of the other hot "indie" band out there, try to stick to these 3 basic principles of hipsterdom:
1. Hipsters like style that's different from last year, but not new. This means firstly that Kanye West sunglasses are fashion suicide (Duh!). Secondly, it means that hipsters would never take a risk by wearing bell-bottoms unless it was Halloween or if Erykah Badu wore them.
2. Hipsters love to appear artistic and mysterious. Whether they can actually hold a paintbrush is neither here nor there. It's the appearance of artsy originality and spontaneity that's important.
3. Hipsters don't shower enough. This is mainly because they insist on wearing the same rainbow high socks for 8 days straight because they're soooo totally awesome!!! OK, so the third one is pure prejudice, but does anyone really take issue with me on it? Without further adieu, here are the top gifts for hipsters on the planet (as of November 6th, 2009, at 10:21 am and 37 seconds):
1. Patches: So Nerdy They're Cool
When it comes to patches, the nerdier and more obscure they are, the better. This is a plus for anyone looking for a cheap Christmas gift idea for a hipster. Just rummage through any thrift store in town to find a couple of winners. If this fails, you could always roll by a few garage sales and haggle with geezers over 40 cents. Always a good time.
2. Beanies: What Hipsters Wear Between Bad Haircuts (aka what hipsters always wear)
Hipsters wear beanies even when it's summertime and it's 90 degrees outside. Why? Nobody really knows. Maybe hair went out of style. Maybe something in their Parliament Lights is making them lose their hair. Whatever the reason, a beanie makes a great gift idea for hipsters. It shows them that you understand them because they're the type of person who wears beanies.
3. Headphones: Because Hipsters Would Rather Not Listen to Anything you Have to Say
While they encourage hipsters to slip further into their own pits of self-absorption, a pair of headphones will be remarkably well received by most. Provided they're not complete sound quality snobs, which a good percentage of hipsters are, most hipsters can always use another pair of headphones. They'll probably use them to blow out their eardrums with the Smiths, which is just sad, but hey – you were young once! You might have even listened to even more self-loathing musicians in your day.
4. Fake Mustaches: The Best Christmas Gift Idea for a Hipster for Under $5
Fake mustaches never go out of style anywhere, anytime, anyhow. They always make a great prop regardless of the company (OK Nazis might not find them funny). Also, they encourage hipsters to act like someone else, something they're great at!
5. Mixtapes with the Smiths
As long as your mixtape has at least one Smiths or Cure song on it, it will be received as "one of the best mixtapes I've ever heard in my entire life." Throw in a few tracks by Animal Collective and you've got "the best mixtape in the world." If you want to ratchet it up to "greatest mixtape in the history of mankind," throw in some ironic tracks like Yakkety Yak or the Theme from Full House.
6. Venus Fly Trap: Because Hipster are Moody Little Babies!
Deep inside the black heart of every hipster, there lies an urge to bite people's heads off. Maybe it's due to teenage angst or the lingering resentment for the injustice of having to pass high school physics (aka the system). Whatever the reason, venus fly traps make very cool gifts for hipsters, even though most hipsters will allow them to die within a few days.
7. Gaudy Sunglasses: A Timeless Gift Idea for Hipsters
The more obnoxious, the better.
8. Colorful Socks: The Key to Being Funny
For some unknown reason, hipsters think having colorful socks means you have an interesting personality. Just how they made this connection is unclear. It's possible that one hipster saw a clown once and decided he wanted to be funny like the clown. Upon discovering that he had no sense of humor, the hipster probably resorted to stealing the clown's socks, believing they held a magical power of humor.
