Creative Christmas Gifts & Gift Ideas

Teenagers everywhere are holding their breaths this Christmas for gifts from family that aren't uncool.  Let me repeat that, because teenage logic can get a bit confusing: When buying Christmas gifts for teens, one must realize that teenagers are more interested in not receiving what isn't cool than receiving what is cool.  

For example, if you slip up and get your teenage girl the wrong color hat, she might run off to her bedroom crying instead of playing with her younger siblings under the Christmas tree (And all because "Britney wore this hat EIGHT months ago and it is SO TOTALLY uncool now!  Like DUH!").  On the other hand, if you get your teenage boy Counterstrike 3 instead of Counterstrike 4, he'll sulk for 3 months and spend all of his time at Joey's house (Because "Joey has Counterstrike 4 and his Mom makes us buffalo wings!  Like DUH!").

Long story short, trends in high school disappear faster than a freshman eating lunch too close to the seniors.  Given these constraints, it's tempting just to dig into your pocket, pull out a few bills and slip them into an envelope.  Yet you should resist the urge to give your teenagers money for Christmas.  Besides the fact that most teens spend their money on fast food and pot, teens should learn the value of money by earning it themselves.  Lest you forget this lesson, your teenager could end up working at Best Buy until he's 38 (Not that there's anything wrong with that – it's just not what most parents envision for children when they enroll them in kindergarten).

Despite these tough odds, hope still lingers that you will find great Christmas gift ideas for your teenagers this season.  This is because some gift ideas for teens are evergreen.  In other words, like fast food and pot, they never go out of fashion (we're not suggesting a happy meal and a joint for Christmas, even though most teenage boys would love it btw).  These are the top 10 gift ideas for teens in 2009:

Top 5 Gift Ideas for Teenagers in 2009

iPhones: The Best Gift for a Teenager   

As long as you buy them the right model, the iPhone is unquestionably the King of all gifts for teens.  Besides their endless and endlessly entertaining apps, games and gadgetry, iPhones simply proclaim ones coolness to everyone.  While they might go out of style in a few years, don't count on it.  Apple has cornered the market on hip phones while Blackberry has cornered the market on professional phones.  Don't expect either one to overstep its bounds any time soon.

Paintball Guns: Very Exciting Gifts for Teenage Boys

Yes, yes we hear the moans and groans from the gun control activists, but what they don't realize is how that paintballing is really fun.  Since we were 3 years old, 90% of us boys have been playing out battle fantasies in our minds.  This doesn't make us sociopaths, Mom – it makes us warriors at heart!  We love all forms of competition, from basketball to video games to drinking — but we love nothing more than pretending we're Bruce Willis in Die Hard, fighting against Klaus, the evil German.  With a paintball gun, you can live out your childhood fantasies with friends in a fairly safe way (bruises here and there, but nothing serious).  

While some claim that paintballing encourages other kinds of violence, we would disagree.  Paintballing allows friends to come together to play a game and compete against each other as men.  It promotes camaraderie and trips to Taco Bell afterwards, if anything.

Movies that Remind Them There's Life After High School

Most teenagers hate high school.  They loathe getting up at 7 am to go to  World Literature, where the teacher doesn't want to be there any more than the kids.  Yet they do it anyways because of the promise that high school will end someday.  In late January, with midterms looming, drama with friends, and a breakup a few weeks earlier, it will be hard for them to see the light.  However, there are some movies that remind teenagers that life after high school not only exists, but is much better.  These flicks include P.C.U., Road Trip, Animal House, Old School, and Tommy Boy.

Snowboards & Surfboards: The Coolest Gifts for Teens

Surfing and snowboarding are awesome sports because they allow people to get completely wild in an individual way — precisely what you're not allowed to do in high school.  Snowboards and surfboards make great gift ideas for teens because they help teens see that high school isn't the end-all, be-all of existence.  They're expensive gifts, certainly, but they're also long-term investments.  If you get a good one, you won't need another one for 10 years.

Snuggies: Even the Prom Queen needs a Snuggie every once in awhile.  

If you live in one of the colder climes of North America, you are familiar with the problem of blankets that aren't quite big enough.  Either your toes freeze or your ears freeze.  However, the Snuggie has put all that to rest, and everyone, from sullen teenagers to grumpy old men, best recognize.

Thousands of blogs bend over backwards to offer great gift ideas for under $10, but very few take the opposite approach: great gifts that will put a giant hole in your pocket.  While it might seem like an odd approach, we recognize that rich people have needs too.  Plus, is there any better way to say "I Love You" than with an expensive gift?  Hugs and kisses under a sprig of mistletoe might work while you're young (and don't belong to a country club yet), but they definitely don't cut it when you've got 5 cars and 2 summer homes.

And so, in an attempt to provide assistance to that terribly neglected minority, the uber-rich, we've put together this excellent list of the best expensive Christmas gifts on the web.  In actuality, these gifts really aren't that expensive – they're more like stocking stuffers for millionaires.  But at a certain point in life, nobody can get away with giving their family members mix cd's and subscriptions to Bowhunting magazine (I'm not sure what point this is, but I certainly hope I haven't passed it yet).  When that day arrives, take a deep breath, put down your crystal goblet, and open your wallet.

1. Rosetta Stone: A Cool Gift to Learn a New Language

We've all got that friend who pledges to learn Italian every time they have a few drinks.  Of course they never do, but they always end conversations with "Arrivaderci" anyways.  Give them a chance to make their dream come true.  While it's not going to make you into a fluent speaker, Rosetta Stone can put someone well on their way to becoming conversational.  Featuring voice-recognition software that forces you to correct your own speaking errors, Rosetta Stone is one luxury gift idea that could potentially help someone make a big life change.  At almost $500, it's a pretty expensive gift idea, but can be worth every penny.

2. Power Wheels: Enviable Gifts for Rich Kids 

The pinnacle of an upper-class childhood, Pow Pow Power Wheels are unquestionably the most desirable gifts for kids in the world.  Ever since their release in the 1980's, kids everywhere have yearned to own one.  Kids who actually had one would brag to those who didn't, but rarely if ever let anyone see or ride in theirs.  These days, though, you can actually get one for less than the cost of an XBox.  As a parent, this provides an interesting dilemma: Would I rather have a kid who's ADD and illiterate from nonstop Halo or a kid who's ADD and illiterate from nonstop Power Wheels?  

3. Skydiving: The Coolest IOU Gift Idea

I've heard it said that everyone should try skydiving at least once in their lives.  Most people would go skydiving if given the chance, but they need someone to egg them on.  This Christmas, be the bully who forces someone to do something that terrifies them. They'll thank you afterwards.

4. Bose Speakers: Now you can Disturb your Neighbors with Quality Sound*!

If you're looking for an unnecessarily loud, impeccably crisp, and positively boomin set of speakers, look no further than an absurdly loud set of speakers from Bose.  You might want to include a pair of earplugs and some fine greenery just to make this gift idea extra special.

*Yacht rock is not quality sound, even if it comes from Bose speakers.

5. Margarita Blender: Because Luxury Gifts Are Completely Unnecessary

True luxury gifts are utterly unnecessary, but might make life easier for the maid or hired help.  Nobody needs a special Margarita Blender, but you feel pretty special when you own one.  It's like "I have so much money I can buy things that I use twice so I can save 12 minutes!  WHAT?" 

6. Silver Silverware: Because Nobody Needs It but It Sounds Cool

The mark of a wealthy family is a drawer full of silver that gets used twice a year.  I'm not sure why this is, but one does not question the rules that govern wealthy society.  The penalties would be too great.  Next thing you know you wouldn't be invited to sit with the Grand Marshal at the Kentucky Derby.  You'd have to settle for box seats at the Preakness.  The Preakness!

7. Plasma Screen TV in the Bathroom: A Sweet Luxury Gift Idea for your Inner 15-year-old

Say goodbye to leaving the bathroom door a crack open to watch DVD's of Pimp My Ride.  Now, you can watch X to the Z in style from the throne.  You might also want to include a padded toilet seat with this gift.  I love padded toilet seats.  They're a little disgusting, but hey, so is pooping.  Relax!

8. Private Island: Just So You Can Say You Have One

What?  You don't have one?

You know it as soon as they open your present.  It's the look on their face: the slightly furrowed brow, the half smile, and the open mouth.  All signs point towards one obvious conclusion: they hate your gift.  So you ask them, pleadingly, "Do you like it?"  And they respond robotically "Oh yes it's awesome!"  But you know when they're lying, so your heart sinks.

It doesn't have to be like that.  Most people aren't expecting something in particular for Christmas (unless you promised them a brand new Pow Pow Power Wheels), so they'll be pleased with a wide variety of gifts.  If you're at a loss for what to get your husband or your wife, just have a look around this site.  Even DIY Gift Ideas that don't cost much would work in most instances. 

However, there are a few things that one should categorically avoid when shopping for Christmas gift ideas for family members.   There are bad Christmas gifts and then there are horrible Christmas gifts.  These ones are downright horrible. 

The Self-Evident. Don’t even think about giving these things.

1. Ties: The Most Boring Gift Idea on the PLANET

Unless it’s a completely awesome tie that changes his life and makes his morning's brighter every time he sees it (which is impossible, by the way), chances are he’ll never wear it.  To a working man, ties look like leashes that their bosses or companies use to control them.  Getting one on Christmas, one of the few days of the year that he doesn't have to think about work, will only remind him of his futile servitude.  

It should be noted that there are a few caveats to this rule.  Firstly, if you're thinking of gift ideas for college students, ties make fine gifts.  This is because they force the college student to accept the fact that there is life after college.  Some day, they won't be able to spend every waking hour in jeans they haven't washed in 7 months.  Some day, they'll have to (cringe!) work!  Secondly, bow ties make acceptable gag gifts – especially if they’re white and can spin.

2. Bathroom Mats or Towels (unless they’re gifts for college students)

Again, unless you're buying these gifts for filthy college students who have no idea how to operate a washing machine, these make bad gift ideas.  It's as if you're saying to someone "You're a complete degenerate trainwreck who can't live without their mother."  As truthful as this statement may be, it's just rude to give someone these things.  

As an aside, if their place really stinks, you could always get them a set of scented candles (and maybe slip a few Glade Plug-in's somewhere near the bottom of the present).  Candles are much less bland and outright offensive than bathroom mats or towels.  Nobody throws tantrums when they get candles.  Well, Mike Tyson might.

3. CD Racks, Spice Racks, Gun Racks, Medieval Racks: Just Say No.

Anything involving the word "rack" is likely among the worst gift ideas you could ever imagine.  Let's start with CD Racks.   I can’t believe they still sell these things.  No one, except rich people who have too much time on their hands and nothing better to do, has bought a CD in 12 years.  This alone renders a CD rack worthless.  If you're considering buying someone one, think again.  

Secondly, spice racks also make terrible gift ideas.  Firstly, they're most often purchased for people who do not cook.  In this case, they simply take up space where the tequila bottles are supposed to be.  Secondly, most people who cook either already have spices and don't need a bunch more stale peppercorns.

Thirdly, one only needs to consult the greatest comedy of the 1990's, Wayne's World, to understand why not to buy a gun rack:

"A gun rack… a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do… with a gun rack?"

Finally, unless your brother is obsessed with the Renaissance Pleasure Faire, do not get him a medieval rack.  Actually scratch that – even if he is obsessed with the Renaissance Faire, don't get him a rack.  He might put you in it until you agree to dress up like a maiden at the jousting contest.

The Less Obvious: Bad Books and Music are Bad Christmas Gift Ideas

Consider your audience carefully when selecting music and books for family members at Christmastime.  Malcolm Gladwell books might appeal to some people, but others get annoyed by his rambling, unfocused rants.  What on earth is the point of his books?  Could someone tell me again please?  Just because a guy has a wild haircut and tells interesting stories doesn’t mean he can tell you anything that’s actually useful.  In terms of music, the worst Christmas gift in the world has to be your own Demo Tape.  Unless you made a song specifically for your family members at Christmas, they really don't want it for Christmas.  Try thinking about what they like and stop thinking about your own tastes.  

Whenever I try to come up with DIY gift ideas, I get this picture of Homer Simpson injuring himself in my head.  Maybe I watched too much TV as a kid, but I seriously doubt my own ability to make things with my own two hands.  Without a doubt, creating things with your own hands besides peanut butter sandwiches can be dangerous. 

But I think we've been conditioned to think that most DIY gift ideas are out of our creative reach and boggling to our terrible hand-eye coordination.  In this post, I intend to present a counter to the point that we're all destined to glue ourselves to the kitchen table if we try to make our own Christmas gifts for our families.  So put on your safety goggles and take a look:

Original T-Shirt: A Cheap DIY Gift Idea 

If you're short on dough this holiday season, remember that it's most important to save as much money for yourself as possible.  Your family and friends are certainly important, but let's get real.  You've gotta eat (foie gras) and drive (your Audi) to work every day.  If they really love you, your friends and family will understand if you don't spend an arm and a leg on them.  With this in mind, one of the most thoughtful gift ideas you can come up with is an original t-shirt.  Homemade t-shirts can be funny, sentimental, or downright outrageous.  While they don't take a very long time to create, they show that you cared enough about a person to make them something completely unique.   

If you don't have a silk-screen setup at home (which is a bit difficult to assemble), just pick up a set of iron-on transfers.   Most of these kits cost less than $19.95 and allow you to make a bunch of shirts.  Next, you've just got to buy a few Hanes or Fruit of the Loom 100% cotton t-shirts and get to work.  

If you're at a loss for what to put on the t-shirt, you could use one of the following ideas:

1. Pictures of Family

2. Embarassing Pictures of the Person You're Giving the Gift to, with the caption "World's Best Popcorn Eater" or some inside joke.

3. Their Favorite Things (Ice Cream, Wolves, Jack Daniels, etc.)

As long as you don't make something that will set on fire or cause a shock, it's also a cool idea to attach some sort of lighting system to the shirt.  For instance, a few years back I saw a wolf t-shirt that had flashing red light bulbs for eyes.  I wish somebody would have given me that shirt. 

Homemade Fishing Lures: A DIY Gift Idea That Makes Lazy People Feel Active!

According to a recent survey, 63% of Americans have, in their homes, a picture of someone grinning while holding a fish flopping on a hook.  It matters little that only .04% of Americans actually fish more than once every 5 years.  Men simply love the idea that they are adventurous outdoorsmen at heart.  

While it may seem like a dangerous endeavor, as long as you don't try to make homemade fishing lures when you're drunk or hung over (unfortunately, this eliminates you, college students), you'll probably escape with both of your eyes intact.   

The bigger danger here is getting roped into actually going fishing.  As we all know, fishing is one of the most boring "sports" on the planet, next to curling, cross-country skiing and blogging.  

Sock Puppets: An EASY DIY Gift Idea 

This a perfect DIY Gift Idea for any hipster because it's so sentimental and childish.  It's also perfect if you're a hipster with a ton of colorful socks to spare.  Simply buy a few plastic eyeballs at an art store, glue them to a bunch of socks, and sew on some red mouths.  If you want to go nuts, make one of them a cyclops and call it Richard.  

Pies and Other Baked Goods: Timeless Homemade Gifts, Always Appreciated

Although they take a few hours to make, pies are relatively easy to make.  If you're at a loss of how to start, though, call your mother.  She'll do one of two things: 

1. Insist on making the pie for you (win!)

2. Be touched that you asked her for help and then insist on making the pie for you (win win!!)

Just make sure the gift recipient isn't allergic to boysenberries before you get your mom to whip up one of her New Hampshire State Fair winning pie.  Otherwise, you'll just look like a jerk who made a pie for himself.

Knitted Scarves, Hats or Socks: DIY Gift Ideas for the Whole Family

Unless you've got a lot of time on your hands, it's better not to try your hand at knitting.  However, if you can manage to put your hands together and get handy with a ball of yarn and some sticks, this is a very cool gift idea.  Just make sure it doesn't look like a hand-me-down, handywoman.

More DIY Gift Ideas for your Melon!

In case you missed our first installment of great DIY gift ideas, you should be ashamed of yourself.  They're much better than these ones.  

The best way to come up with cool gift ideas for hipsters is to go to an indie rock concert, snicker, gawk, and take some notes. However, if you happen to hate Animal Collective, Devendra Banhart, MGMT or any of the other hot "indie" band out there, try to stick to these 3 basic principles of hipsterdom: 

1. Hipsters like style that's different from last year, but not new. This means firstly that Kanye West sunglasses are fashion suicide (Duh!). Secondly, it means that hipsters would never take a risk by wearing bell-bottoms unless it was Halloween or if Erykah Badu wore them.

2. Hipsters love to appear artistic and mysterious. Whether they can actually hold a paintbrush is neither here nor there. It's the appearance of artsy originality and spontaneity that's important.

3. Hipsters don't shower enough. This is mainly because they insist on wearing the same rainbow high socks for 8 days straight because they're soooo totally awesome!!! OK, so the third one is pure prejudice, but does anyone really take issue with me on it? Without further adieu, here are the top gifts for hipsters on the planet (as of November 6th, 2009, at 10:21 am and 37 seconds):

1. Patches: So Nerdy They're Cool

When it comes to patches, the nerdier and more obscure they are, the better. This is a plus for anyone looking for a cheap Christmas gift idea for a hipster. Just rummage through any thrift store in town to find a couple of winners. If this fails, you could always roll by a few garage sales and haggle with geezers over 40 cents. Always a good time.

2. Beanies: What Hipsters Wear Between Bad Haircuts (aka what hipsters always wear)

Hipsters wear beanies even when it's summertime and it's 90 degrees outside. Why? Nobody really knows. Maybe hair went out of style. Maybe something in their Parliament Lights is making them lose their hair. Whatever the reason, a beanie makes a great gift idea for hipsters. It shows them that you understand them because they're the type of person who wears beanies.

3. Headphones: Because Hipsters Would Rather Not Listen to Anything you Have to Say

While they encourage hipsters to slip further into their own pits of self-absorption, a pair of headphones will be remarkably well received by most. Provided they're not complete sound quality snobs, which a good percentage of hipsters are, most hipsters can always use another pair of headphones. They'll probably use them to blow out their eardrums with the Smiths, which is just sad, but hey – you were young once! You might have even listened to even more self-loathing musicians in your day.

4. Fake Mustaches: The Best Christmas Gift Idea for a Hipster for Under $5

Fake mustaches never go out of style anywhere, anytime, anyhow. They always make a great prop regardless of the company (OK Nazis might not find them funny). Also, they encourage hipsters to act like someone else, something they're great at!

5. Mixtapes with the Smiths

As long as your mixtape has at least one Smiths or Cure song on it, it will be received as "one of the best mixtapes I've ever heard in my entire life." Throw in a few tracks by Animal Collective and you've got "the best mixtape in the world." If you want to ratchet it up to "greatest mixtape in the history of mankind," throw in some ironic tracks like Yakkety Yak or the Theme from Full House.

6. Venus Fly Trap: Because Hipster are Moody Little Babies!

Deep inside the black heart of every hipster, there lies an urge to bite people's heads off. Maybe it's due to teenage angst or the lingering resentment for the injustice of having to pass high school physics (aka the system). Whatever the reason, venus fly traps make very cool gifts for hipsters, even though most hipsters will allow them to die within a few days.

7. Gaudy Sunglasses: A Timeless Gift Idea for Hipsters

The more obnoxious, the better.

8. Colorful Socks: The Key to Being Funny

For some unknown reason, hipsters think having colorful socks means you have an interesting personality. Just how they made this connection is unclear. It's possible that one hipster saw a clown once and decided he wanted to be funny like the clown. Upon discovering that he had no sense of humor, the hipster probably resorted to stealing the clown's socks, believing they held a magical power of humor.